yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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