You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
