found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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