WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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