Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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