Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
