Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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