i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
