Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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