I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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