she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Houston, we have a squirter
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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