So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
