Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Jerry, you need to find god
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
