God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
