READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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