in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
