I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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