Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
and you fell through a lawn chair
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
