Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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