From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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