you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
