Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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