My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
