I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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