I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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