I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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