I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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