Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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