So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
50% drunk capacity currently
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
