what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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