Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just pee around me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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