Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
