Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
this just has baby written all over it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.