Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology