More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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