Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who