He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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