But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
