dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
