She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
