Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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