Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize