he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
