you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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