dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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