the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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