Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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