My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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