Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
