Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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