hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
