If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
