i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
