I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
