i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
