Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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