we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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