You're my little dorito
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
