i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
