Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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