He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think my fart just growled at me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
