Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
