There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
