I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
