My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
