my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
