I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
