her vagine was all disorganized.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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