the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
