I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
