What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
