This is not my ceiling
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
