even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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