So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
