I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like eating out sand paper
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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