Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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