There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
