winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
