i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
