I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
