my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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